* La Dolce Vita – This disco has a great supply of freelancers with many being college girls. No cover charge.

* Bambu – Girls work for the bar and pay a bar fine to leave with customers. No cover charge.

* Elektra – Many freelancers can be found at this disco late at night. No cover charge.

* Beaches – Freelancers work the beaches during the day. Touts may offer to find girls. If you use their services be prepared for the prices to go up.

* Streets – There are plenty of decent looking streetwalkers for those who like a little street action on their erotic vacation.Check out Avenida San Martin after sundown.

Prices for sex at the discos are usually quoted at 200 – 250K pesos but can be negotiated down to 150K pesos. Streetwalker sex goes for 50 – 60K. Beach girls ask for 100 – 125K pesos but savvy bargainers can get them as low as 50K. There are a lot other activities to do on your erotic vacation in Cartagena between bouts of unforgettable sex with some of the world’s most beautiful women.

Don’t forget to try the excellent fresh seafood platters at bargain prices. The marvelous aphrodisiac effects will help you recharge your batteries for long days and nights of fun. Take a walk along the cobblestone streets and take in the colonial architecture. You just may return from your stroll with a lovely Colombian doll on your arm.

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Sexy Destinations

Some locations just ooze sensuality. Check out these cities and countries that are sure to promise a hot trip.

1. Amsterdam: Vacationers looking for a sexual history lesson should head to Amsterdam. It’s home to De Wallen, one of the world’s most famous red light districts, and two very sexy museums. The Erotic Museum has attractions including erotic sketches of John Lennon and a replica of a prostitute’s red light window. The Sex Museum has exhibits on sex through the centuries, an art gallery and more.
2. Paris, France The City of Light is generally regarded as one of the most romantic places in the world. With rich food, beautiful walkways for strolling, and luxurious hotels, you’re sure to fall in love with Paris.
3. Brazil: With gorgeous beaches and even more beautiful people, Brazil is certainly visually appealing. Combine that with a Carnival festival that puts Mardi Gras to shame, and you’ve got a very hot vacation spot.
4. Las Vegas: It’s no wonder that so many couples get married in Vegas; Sin City is a sensual hotspot. Take your honey out for a night on the town to enjoy fine dining, world-class spas, a romantic gondola ride, and a trip up the Eiffel Tower.
5. Caribbean: Take in the gorgeous Caribbean seascape in your very own secluded beach bungalow or go off the beaten path to find an idyllic deserted beach. You’re sure to enjoy the sensuous heat of these islands.
6. Venice: Venice is considered by some to be the Capital of Romance. It’s easy to see why: Venice boasts canals full of serenading gondoliers, beautiful architecture, winding alleyways and mysterious fog.

BBs and Spas

Sometimes, all the romance you need can be found in a cozy spot that offers a little pampering. Check out these great locations for love and beauty.

1. Eastlake Inn Bed Breakfast: In St. Louis, the 20s era Eastlake Inn Bed and Breakfast offers the sensual Magnolia Room, a space with a fireplace, dream bath, double showers and cathedral ceiling. The inn is surrounded by hundred year old trees, lush gardens and one acre of land. Eastlake is also close to many fine restaurants and quaint shops.
2. Nemacolin Woodlands Resort and Spa: The Nemacolin Woodlands Resort Spa in Pennsylvania regularly hosts Couples Vacations, which are packed with sensual and bonding activities like couples yoga, a massage workshop, wine tasting, and sinful desserts. Active couples will be happy to know that the vacation also includes whitewater rafting, climbing, horseback riding and a shooting academy.
3. Villa Vera: Acapulco’s Villa Vera is known for its famous guests and luxurious villas. Stay in the Elizabeth Taylor Villa, where the star vacationed for almost twenty years, which comes with a private swimming pool, an outdoor bar and hydromassage tub. The hotel has its own fragrance, “Romance,” made for luxuriating in the tub. The spa is popularly considered one of the finest in Acapulco, offering massages, wraps, facials and more.
4. Sugar Hill Inn: This New Hampshire getaway is full of rustic charm, lush greenery and beautiful landscapes. The owners of the Sugar Hill Inn specialize in massage therapy and romantic cuisine. Nearby are the Franconia Notch, a gorgeous mountain range, and the Robert Frost Place.
5. Zara Spa: For couples seeking an exotic spa vacation, the Zara Spa in Jordan is an excellent choice. Located inside the Movenpick Resort overlooking the shores of the Dead Sea, this spot is unlike any other. At the lowest point on earth, unwind in one of the spa’s thermariums or the Laconium. Some of their treatments include aromatherapy mud wraps and a foot massage pool.

Nude Lifestyle Resorts

If you want to get away while letting it all hang out, these vacation spots were made for you.

1. Couples Ochos Rios: This resort is made for couples and couples alone; no singles or families are allowed. Couples Ochos Rios offers couples a chance to visit a gorgeous beach oasis with excellent food and lots of fun activities like horseback riding, windsurfing, and more. The island also boasts a clothing-optional island that has a pool and swim-up bar.
2. Desire Resort Spa Los Cabos: Desire Los Cabos is a new all-inclusive, couples-only resort and spa. The resort was designed with sensuality in mind: it’s surrounded by lush natural landscape and sandy beaches. Décor includes a red and dark brown color scheme and hand-painted murals of scenes taken from the Book of Kama Sutra. The entire resort is clothing-optional, so it’s great for adventurous couples who love to travel light.
3. Sea Mountain Inn Resort Spa:

AOL has named this Palm Springs utopia one of the top 5 places to get naked. A favorite for both celebrities and honeymooners alike, this clothing-optional resort strives to make everyone comfortable with a 99% female staff and a no-single-men rule. Couples will enjoy the tandem massage that is performed side by side in a spa suite as well as plush mattresses and linens.

Cruises

Hit the high seas with your honey on these romantic cruises.

1. Mid-Summer Bliss: Bare Necessities, a nude travel agency, has chartered the Royal Clipper for a cruise around the Mediterranean. Guests will enjoy delicious Mediterranean food, sun-bathing, and ports of call in Spain, Monaco, and the French Riviera, all in a clothing-optional environment.
2. Wind Star: The Wind Star is a sensual ship, outfitted in French decorations and intimately accommodating just 148 passengers. Couples can enjoy an in-room “Romance Dinner,” full of aphrodisiac foods like sun-dried love apples and chantilly cream. Also offered is a couple’s massage, romantic music, and plenty of available wine and champagne.
3. Silver Whisper: The Silver Whisper visits romantic places such as Venice and Rio de Janeiro and offers the best in ultraluxury. The ship’s staterooms are large, full of flowers, luxurious bedding, Godiva chocolates and 24-hour room service, including a Balinese massage.
4. Crown Princess: This crown jewel of the Princess Cruise line is a popular engagement spot, offering an “Engagement Under the Stars” package. The cruise line helps would-be fiancés to create a multimedia proposal including a videocast on the ship’s movie screen. After the proposal, couples enjoy a romantic dinner and keepsake items on the ship.

Workshops

Make no mistake about it: these workshops have very little to do with work. Have fun and grow closer to your loved one at one of these couples’ retreats.

1. Omega Institute: The Omega Institute offers a weekend workshop on The Sexual Body the Yoga of Light, a learning experience for couples that teaches you how to grow spiritually and sexually. The workshop includes training on breathing techniques, communication, and ecstatic dissolution.
2. Miraval: The Miraval Resort offers a Sexuality and Vitality program from Drs. Lana Holstein and David Taylor. The workshop helps couples better understand and energize their sexual connection, focusing on intimacy, passion and physical technique.
3. Esalem: Esalen’s Massage Weekend helps couples connect through the intimate touch that’s provided by massage. The sessions include demonstrations and instruction, with assignments to practice privately as a couple.

Experiences

If you want to connect with your partner by getting out and doing something fun, consider one of these sexy experiences.

1. Mile High Club Charter: Couples wishing to join the Mile High Club don’t have to risk getting caught in the lavatory; they can charter their own flight from companies that offer specialty Mile High flights. Amenities often include gourmet meals, flower arrangements, and champagne.
2. Boat in the Buff: On Captain Jim Fritz’s boat, the Flamboyance, couples are welcome to sail au-natural. Special activities include sports like water-skiing, snorkeling, and fishing. Crew chef Cindy Traywick is happy to customize her gourmet cuisine to your tastes.
3. Orient Express: Take a ride on the Orient Express, a legendary train that’s known for exceptional service, beautiful landscapes, and superior dining. You can choose to visit romantic destinations like Venice, Paris and Istanbul.
4. Kutemajärvi Sex Festival: Finland is host to the Kutemajarvi Sex Festival, a very hot summer event. At the festival, you’ll find exotic performances, professional lectures, erotic products and excellent food.

Copenhagen, Denmark – October

For every (legal) kink you can dream of, there will be a stall in the Danish capital for it. Think computer convention, but replace chips and wires with dildos, whips, leather, and latex. This festival focuses on fringe sexual subculture and discusses openly what most would only dare explore in a dark, locked basement. And for those who prefer straight-up sex without the pain and the uniforms will find strippers and porn lords galore.

Look out for: The extreme body artists for whom tattoos are kids’ stuff. The outrageous piercings, body modifications and implants here will leave you gasping.

No.9 - Love Parade

Berlin, Germany – July

While this is not an official sex event, it has enough party-crazy, beautiful young people to be a prime spot for lovin’ action. It’s the world’s biggest techno festival founded to celebrate unity and understanding following the collapse of the Berlin Wall. Annually, 1.5 million horny and sweaty young adults dance all day and all night in the city streets, and the police sit by and watch while guilt-free groping, kissing and nookie go unfettered.

Look out for: Some of the biggest trance and house DJs on the planet like Pete Tong, Paul van Dyk and Paul Oakenfold.

No.8 - Mardi Gras

New Orleans, Louisiana – February

Yes, America’s wild pre-Lenten carnival has lots of music, costumes and culture. However, that’s not why New Orleans’ hotels are booked solid with college guys. In the sweltering heat of street revelry, inhibitions are tossed aside like so many beads, and the beautiful women exhibit their treasures for all. It’s a horndog’s paradise, and certainly a hotspot for spontaneous boot-knocking among strangers.

Look out for: The Krewe du Vieux parade has plenty of immorality on display. No wonder it’s a favorite shooting spot for Girls Gone Wild producers.

No.7 - Kutemajrvi Sex Festival

Kangasniemi, Finland – July

Kutemajrvi is the more intellectual of the sex festivals, but there’s plenty of the actual nasty acts for all tastes as well. Professionals give lectures on all aspects of sexuality and merchandise stands display innovations in sex products. Then it’s flesh time. Dancers and performers take the stage and do things you only envisioned in your head at night.

Look out for: The Afrodite contest is where the women of men’s dreams compete for the festival’s top honor.

No.6 - Hot d’Or

Cannes, France – May

While the world’s most prestigious film festival takes place in the glare of the French Riviera, another much seamier one unravels a few miles down the coast. It’s the Hot d’Or, the Oscars of porn. This is where the multibillion-dollar smut industry gathers each year to congratulate itself for persistently fueling people’s sexual fantasies. Silicone, stilettos and massive coifs line the beach, and the inevitable nudity and live sex acts spice things up.

Look out for: The post-ceremony parties on yachts and hotels, where the big-league orgasm goddesses flock.

No.5 - International Erotic Film Festival

Barcelona, Spain – September

Less exclusive and more comprehensive than its Cannes counterpart, the Barcelona erotic film festival’s mission is to break the taboos associated with porn and the use of sex products. Yes, porno flicks are shown continuously and their stars are there to “discuss” their “work,” but there is also a lingerie show, a sex product fair and a fetish party.

Look out for: Some very steamy live sex shows, including state-of-the-art girl-on-girl.

No.4 - Nudes-A-Poppin’ Pageant

Ponderosa Sun Club, Roselawn, Indiana – July August

Sexy, raunchy and daring, this nude pageant in Indiana’s most infamous nudist resort has gorgeous naked women lining up for the honor of the Miss Nude crown. However don’t expect to see nothing more than nude ladies walking around; erotic dancing, exhibitionism and acts that border on hardcore sex draw thousands to this delicious celebration of nudity each year.

Look out for: The contestants’ group photo. You’ve never seen so many naked women together in your life.

No.3 - Folsom Street Fair

San Francisco, California – September

For those partial to leather, latex and a good dash of domination, San Francisco hosts the definitive SM celebration. Several city blocks in the SOMA district are cordoned, allowing all manners of toys, ticklers, rubber suits, and leather masks to go on display. You’ll be astounded at how creative people can become when they want to get off.

Look out for: The demonstration booths, where you can just watch or give the old whip a crack or two yourself.

No.2 - Erotica

London, England – November

Billed as the biggest erotic festival on the globe, London’s Erotica presents sexuality and lifestyle miscellany in a relaxed and casual atmosphere. Complete with live shows, an erotic jewelry boutique and a showroom with over 230 exhibitors, all things sexy can be found here.

Look out for: The singles meeting point, full of young people looking for a fun night out, if you know what we mean.

No.1 - Exotic Erotic Ball

San Francisco, California – October

A tradition going back 25 years, the Exotic Erotic Ball remains one of the nation’s wildest parties, where all the sexy people come to unleash their inner beasts. There are dance parties, strip shows and mind-blowing sex performances. The video documentary of the party is a consistent bestseller every year.

Look out for: The giant cocktail glasses with stunning women bathing inside.

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No.10 - ICEHOTEL, Jukkasjärvi, Sweden

Live like an Eskimo

If you’ve ever fancied yourself as a bit of an Eskimo, then the world-famous ICEHOTEL in Jukkasjärvi, 200 km north of the Arctic Circle in Sweden, could be just the fantasy retreat for you. While the building itself mimics the construction methods of our nose-kissing ancestors — everything from the reception desk to the beds are made from ice taken from the River Torne — there’s nothing primitive about the amenities offered inside. Once you’ve checked in, wrap up in your warm furs and take in the breathtaking art dotted around the hotel before sipping on cocktails in the Absolut ICEBAR. If it all gets a bit too chilly around the edges and you can no longer feel your feet, then warm up at the ICEHOTEL Restaurant — the only structure that isn’t made from ice. Serving delicious local delicacies on thick ice-slabs, the stylish eatery is the ideal way to unwind before you return to the comfort of your hot-or-cold accommodation. As well as being able to enjoy the novelty of the ICEHOTEL, you can also get your adrenaline pumping with a number of activities. These include ice sculpting, snowshoe excursions, snowmobile rides, ice fishing, and a chance to watch the shimmering northern lights in the sky above.

No.9 - Taj Lake Palace, Udaipur, India

Live like a maharaja

Set afloat in the middle of Lake Pichola in the northern Indian state of Rajasthan is Taj Lake Palace, one of many similar abodes owned by Taj Hotels, Resorts and Palaces. The next best thing to staying in the Taj Mahal, this gleaming white mass of marble is set against the backdrop of the Aravalli Mountains, and a stay here will make you feel like you’re king of the world. Or, at least, of Rajasthan. When you’re not lazing about being fanned on a chaise lounge in your majestic suite — each furnished with stunning murals, sweeping arches, exotic carpets, maharaja-size beds, and claw-foot bathtubs — you’ll be able to wonder through the fountain-lined courtyards or indulge in princely treatments at the Taj Spa. During the evening, dine on exotic cuisine in the royal banquet hall of the Neel Kamal restaurant before requesting a fireworks display as you look on from the Aladdin-style balcony in your candlelit suite.

No.8 - Kopan Monastery, Kathmandu, Nepal

Live like a Buddhist

Every year, over 200 Westerners travel to the Kopan Monastery in the foothills of the Himalayas to take part in a 30-day enlightenment retreat. You don’t have to sign a month of your life away, however; the monastery also offers 7- and 10-day meditation retreats for the less dedicated. Home to 300 monks, the Kopan Monastery is a spiritual oasis, far from the stresses and strains of everyday life. During your retreat, you’ll be stripped down to your very core, staying in shared lodgings and living off basic rations of simple but exquisite food. You’ll spend the day meditating under the guidance of senior Western nun Ani Karin, who will  cultivate your awareness of your present condition, help you to understand the nature of your unhappiness, and teach you how to overcome it… or something like that. The daily teachings are followed by discussion groups and prayer.

No.7 - Triple Peak Cow Camp, Wyoming, USA

Live like a cowboy

Yee-ha! If you’ve always wanted to prove your cowboy credentials, then take a trip to Triple Peak Cow Camp, situated deep in the Wyoming Mountain Range. Comprising of a series of tents, the camp itself is nestled in a flower-covered meadow on Nylander Creek, located to the west of the state. Here, you’ll dine on barbecued food beside a crackling fire before rolling out your sleeping mat and catching some Zs under the twinkling stars — away from the lights of the city, you’ll be amazed at how many there actually are. Come daylight, you’ll be able to let loose all that testosterone and ride over 10,000 acres, all the while checking 800-1,000 cow/calf pairs belonging to the Circle Cattle Company. In layman’s terms, this means making sure cattle stay in their appropriate allotment, ensuring they have good grass to graze on and that no areas are overgrazed, looking for injured or ill cattle, and keeping bulls and cattle evenly distributed. It’s a cowboy’s life, but somebody’s got to do it; John Wayne sure as hell won’t.

No.6 - Samudra, Byron Bay, Australia

Live like a surf dude

There’s nowhere in the world better to catch some waves than Down Under; despite the Great Whites looming beneath the surface, the water is lovely. As part of a combined surf/yoga retreat at Samudra, you’ll jet to Australia and stay in the luxurious Byron Bay Manor, situated in New South Wales. A resort-style holiday house set in 27 acres of lush grounds, Byron Bay Manor has a distinct student-bohemian vibe that is befitting of the surfer dude lifestyle. Here, you can improve your technique on the billiards table in the games room, relax in the solar-heated pool and spa, or simply unwind with a good book (spliff optional) on one of the dusty, ocean-view verandas. Each morning, you will begin with a spot of invigorating yoga before taking to the beach for surf instruction with highly trained teachers. While you may not be Kelly Slater on day one, you will be able to stand upright by the time your trip’s up.

No.5 - In The Write Light, Tarifa, Spain

Live like a poet

If your creative juices are overflowing and you want to reign them in, then you may want to consider In The Write Light. A creative writing workshop in the heart of Spain’s hippie capital, Tarifa, on the Costa del la Luz, In The Write Light encourages you to explore your passion for words in a location far removed from the routine of working life. Here, you’ll be able to start that novel you’ve always dreamed of and mingle with like-minded folk right on the beach. Run over four days, the course will feed your creative appetite through a series of informal workshops that will develop your talent and kick-start even the most stubborn writer’s block.
When you’re not waxing lyrical somewhere in the dramatic locale, you’ll enjoy staying in a rustic BB finca. A private and self-sufficient farm with all the trimmings, it’s the polar opposite of city living, and you’ll never want to leave. That’s not to say it’s without style, however; if you opt not to stay in the main building, you’ll sleep in extravagant Bedouin tents outside, complete with oriental rugs, Pakistani beds and Babylonian objéts d’art. And who said creative types suffered for their art?

No.4 - The Ashram, California, USA

Live like a soldier

For a retreat that’s going to make you sweat — and we’re talking bucket loads — head to The Ashram in the Santa Monica Mountains, California. Although its name may sound a little like a theme park, don’t let it fool you; this rustic retreat is for those who are serious about shifting those love handles and man-breasts with military-like precision. On a one-week course, you’ll certainly be put through your paces. Rising at the crack of dawn every morning, you’ll engage in a number of physical activities, including five hours of hiking, three hours of yoga, a one-hour workout, and one hour of pool exercises. Whether it’s push-ups, shoulder presses, bicep curls, tricep kickbacks, squat thrusts, lunges or crunches, you’ll be completely immersed in the work of working out and fitness, all the while being motivated and inspired by the professional trainers on hand. Not only will you feel your wellbeing improving, but you’ll get to go back to nature and enjoy wonderful scenery, from the misty mountains in the morning to the sunny dales in the afternoon. Every meal provided is fresh, organic and vegetarian too, ensuring that the toxins you eliminate through exercise aren’t put straight back in.

No.3 - The Candili Estate, Euboea Island, Greece

Live like an ancient Greek

Come on, admit it; when we saw Brad Pitt in Troy we were jealous. Muscles bulging out from his armor, his very own sword, and a harem of big-breasted women falling at his feet — Greece did wonders for the square-jawed wonder. Well now Greece can do wonders for your pale, scrawny self too, with Sparta Fitness Holidays. Set at the 10,000-acre Candili Estate within the spectacular valley of the River Cereus northeast of Athens on Euboea Island, Sparta Fitness Holidays can help transform the likes of you from humble mortal into Greek god through an unforgiving fitness program. Combining individual and group sessions, you’ll get the chance to escape modern-day living and experience the kind of physical and mental ideals upheld by the ancient Greeks. Your day will consist of circuit training and mountain runs, endurance and weight training, stress relief and massage, and cardiovascular fitness and trekking — all the while applying sun oil to make your body glisten in the light. By night, recover in your traditionally designed accommodation, constructed around a typical Grecian courtyard. If the communal bathing is in danger of putting you off, just think how you might be able to snag a woman like Angelina Jolie upon your departure.

No.2 - Hilton São Paulo Morumbi, São Paulo, Brazil

Live like the president

To walk a mile in George W. Bush’s footsteps — not that any of us would necessarily want to — take a trip to the Hilton São Paulo Morumbi in Brazil. Offering the Live Like A Mogul package for a mere $5,500, you’ll be able to dictate country policy and rule the world. Well, not quite, but you get the idea. Immersed in the presidential lifestyle from beginning to end, you’ll be treated to helicopter transfers to and from São Paulo’s Guarulhos International Airport and the hotel, greeted with Champagne and chocolate upon arrival and given the much-coveted key card to the Presidential Suite. There, you’ll enjoy an in-suite dinner for two from the chefs at the award-winning Canvas Bar Grill before hankering down in your fine Fretté sheets for the night. The next day you won’t have to perform any important presidential duties, thank God. Instead, enjoy breakfast in bed before wrapping up in your Hilton dressing gown and making your way down to the Sensory Spa, where you can indulge in as many massages, facials, body scrubs, and foot treatments as you want. When you want to take in the sights of the city, make your way to the rooftop helipad in order to be ferried about in your very own chopper all day long. Now that is what we call a power trip.

No.1 - Hotel Marqués de Riscal, Spain

Live like a wine connoisseur

Designed by architectural genius Frank Gehry, Starwood’s Hotel Marqués de Riscal is hidden deep in the Rioja region of northern Spain. Once here, you’ll be able to truly indulge in your love of the tipple; whether it’s taking in the views of the vineyards that surround the retreat or tasting some of the best wines the world has to offer in the prestigious 1980 Restaurant — spirits and mixers will be the last thing on your mind. After you’ve enjoyed your sumptuous meal — no doubt served with a wine sauce of some description — retire to the The Wine Bar Vinoteca and have a nightcap or two. When you wake the next morning — most probably with a sore head — take yourself off to The Caudalíe Vinothérapie® Spa and indulge in the famous “wine therapy” massages and treatments. A wine-lover’s paradise from the moment you check in to the moment you check out, you’ll be able to learn wine-making techniques by day and reap the rewards by night — just make sure you don’t bring an alcoholic buddy with you who may try to drink the spa dry.

By Nick Clarke

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10. The Valley
The San Fernando Valley, aka “Porn Valley,” is the only place we know where being a pizza delivery guy can actually get you laid.

9. Plato’s Retreat
This legendary New York swingers club was truly a place where anybody could get laid. Don’t believe us? Their clientele was once described as “an assortment of kinky types from the suburbs: dry cleaners and their wives or fat men in toupees with their heavily made-up girlfriends.” Sounds hot.

8. Wilt Chamberlain’s Bedroom
If you ever found yourself in Wilt Chamberlain’s bedroom, you were either Wilt or you were probably lying under Wilt. Either way, you were getting laid.

7. On The Set Of A 2 Live Crew Video
There’s no doubt it would be easy to get somebody to “love you long time” on the set of a 2 Live Crew video, but would it be easier than on the set of a Too Short video? We think so.

6. King Henry VIII’s Court
We’re not history buffs, but if there’s one thing we’ve learned from Showtime it’s that there was a whole lot of banging going on in King Henry VIII’s court.

5. Lou Pearlman’s Office
Just because it’s easy to get laid somewhere, doesn’t mean you’re going to want to. Back in the 1990’s, Lou Pearlman was the creepy manager behind just about every boy band on the planet (pun intended). We have no proof, but we’re guessing it was pretty easy to get laid in his office if you were a teenage boy.

4. Ancient Rome
Do you know how much sex has to be going on in your society to literally invent the orgy?

3. 8th Street (home of 8th Street Latinas)
We have no idea where 8th Street is, but we’ve noticed in our extensive Internet “surfing” that any time a guy wanders on to 8th Street he inevitably finds a lovely Latina who needs a passport and a ride home. And by ride, we mean “ride.”

2. The Rock of Love Bus
You know the phrase “Never look a gift horse in the mouth?” Well, in the case of the girls on the Rock of Love Bus, it’s because that gift horse’s mouth will also give you herpes.

1. Woodstock (1969)
Everybody was naked, on drugs, and it was the height of the “free love” era. Anybody could have gotten laid at Woodstock. Unfortunately, there was also an 87% chance that the lady you did it with had hairy armpits, but you take the bad with the good we guess. You also probably could have gotten laid at Woodstock in 1999, but that time the sex would have been accompanied by a Limp Bizkit soundtrack and a rape charge so we can’t endorse that.

whipitoutcomedy.com

Viking’s Resort is so wrong that it has to be right. Anything and everything you want in a sunny destination, and in a beautiful woman, is right here for the taking. There is no pressure, however, and you can enjoy the view instead, if you are among the few not to get tempted.

Must-see: The spring fed waterfall pool, right outside one of four fully staffed master suites.

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On the first night I stayed in the group villa in a very tiny non air conditioned room with two gals who couldn’t speak English and a bed that did not accommodate all three of us anyway in any way. The second day, about mid-day, I was taken to a private villa. It was really a big house. There were no drinks, ice or food in this villa. All of those accoutrement’s were only available in the main villa, and all the food and drink was really arranged as though in a communal almost collegiate setting. In other words, there was a kitchen and you could tend to it yourself or on occasion someone would cook a group meal. I am a quasi vegetarian that does eat fish, but no fowl or beef. I advised of this and was told that that would be no problem. Well it may not have been a problem for Viking, but it was for me, as I had little if anything to eat.

When relocated to the private address, both the plumbing and the electricity did not function. A few hours later all was made well. I received a massage for my trouble, and that was nice. I also was unable to use my computer despite numerous assertions that I would have no trouble in that regard. What’s more along technological lines I could not get a signal on my mobile and by the third day all I wanted to do was go home, or anywhere but Viking. I had to go to a nearby hotel and use a pay phone, but couldn’t get on a flight that evening or afternoon. Oh well. Shit comes in streaks it seems.

Lastly, one of the gals I was with refused any sexual advance; she wouldn’t even remove her clothes. What saddened me further was the young ladies insistence that they leave me in the morning and only rejoin me when I went to regroup with them in the evening. It was just weird and of course I couldn’t talk to them about it.

I am considering going to Charlie’s Angels resort. Can anyone advise me as to whether or not Charlie’s is better run?

http://www.erotic-sex-vacations.com

First, the room. It was nothing special, and the Executive Package was not much different from the Standard Package, except the linen was apparently better – for the price, the higher package just wasn’t worth the linen. The bathroom had no cup for the soap, and no hair dryer. Last, but certainly not least, the place didn’t have the full range of toiletries, so I had to buy some of them. A proper hotel would have had all of these, though, to give credit, the resort manager did get some for me, without charge.

This was not the worst thing, though. The room had ants and even a millipede crawling on the floor, and it would have been a simple matter to deal with pests. Not only that, mosquitos kept buzzing me all night, and I ended up with over twenty bites on my arms alone.

The girls were real, but they tried to cut their time with you by sleeping in, then going out to do this and that, which didn’t leave much time with you.

These are the bad points, but I don’t want to give too negative a review, so I’ll focus on the good ones.

First and foremost, the girls, as I said, are real, and they’re even better looking than their pictures. Though the girls tried to cut their time with me, when they did spend time with me, it was fantastic. In fact, I had a night with two Brazilians, and they gave me quite a party – dancing on the bed, jumping up and down, and giving full service. I have never experienced anything like it. (Caramba!)

I also spent time with the Russians, and, again, though they were frugal with their time, they were my girlfriends for the times in question.

Last, but perhaps not least, the food was excellent, easily comparable to the best I have eaten anywhere. The chef, Miguel, was forever eager to please, and I would recommend him if he ever opened his restaurant. The staff was also polite, and there was always an abundance of refreshments.

With all this in mind, I have to compare this with my previous adventures at Xotic Beach House, run by the owners of Miami Companions.

First of all, at Xotic, which used to be in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, the rooms were far larger and had no pests. Perhaps this is due to the dry desert, but the point is, the resort with no insects is better than the one which had insects.

The girls were comparable, in looks and attitude, and the food was also comparable. The problem with Xotic, however, was that it didn’t come across as a smooth operation, while Vikings was incredibly smooth – everything ran like clockwork, from the time I got off the plane to the time I went to the terminal.

So, to anyone who is thinking of going, I would say, go – you’ll never know until you experience it. But, would I go back? Well, I don’t know. I’ll wait until the pest control program is in place, then I’ll decide.

theeroticreview.com