Viking’s Resort is so wrong that it has to be right. Anything and everything you want in a sunny destination, and in a beautiful woman, is right here for the taking. There is no pressure, however, and you can enjoy the view instead, if you are among the few not to get tempted.

Must-see: The spring fed waterfall pool, right outside one of four fully staffed master suites.

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On the first night I stayed in the group villa in a very tiny non air conditioned room with two gals who couldn’t speak English and a bed that did not accommodate all three of us anyway in any way. The second day, about mid-day, I was taken to a private villa. It was really a big house. There were no drinks, ice or food in this villa. All of those accoutrement’s were only available in the main villa, and all the food and drink was really arranged as though in a communal almost collegiate setting. In other words, there was a kitchen and you could tend to it yourself or on occasion someone would cook a group meal. I am a quasi vegetarian that does eat fish, but no fowl or beef. I advised of this and was told that that would be no problem. Well it may not have been a problem for Viking, but it was for me, as I had little if anything to eat.

When relocated to the private address, both the plumbing and the electricity did not function. A few hours later all was made well. I received a massage for my trouble, and that was nice. I also was unable to use my computer despite numerous assertions that I would have no trouble in that regard. What’s more along technological lines I could not get a signal on my mobile and by the third day all I wanted to do was go home, or anywhere but Viking. I had to go to a nearby hotel and use a pay phone, but couldn’t get on a flight that evening or afternoon. Oh well. Shit comes in streaks it seems.

Lastly, one of the gals I was with refused any sexual advance; she wouldn’t even remove her clothes. What saddened me further was the young ladies insistence that they leave me in the morning and only rejoin me when I went to regroup with them in the evening. It was just weird and of course I couldn’t talk to them about it.

I am considering going to Charlie’s Angels resort. Can anyone advise me as to whether or not Charlie’s is better run?

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First, the room. It was nothing special, and the Executive Package was not much different from the Standard Package, except the linen was apparently better – for the price, the higher package just wasn’t worth the linen. The bathroom had no cup for the soap, and no hair dryer. Last, but certainly not least, the place didn’t have the full range of toiletries, so I had to buy some of them. A proper hotel would have had all of these, though, to give credit, the resort manager did get some for me, without charge.

This was not the worst thing, though. The room had ants and even a millipede crawling on the floor, and it would have been a simple matter to deal with pests. Not only that, mosquitos kept buzzing me all night, and I ended up with over twenty bites on my arms alone.

The girls were real, but they tried to cut their time with you by sleeping in, then going out to do this and that, which didn’t leave much time with you.

These are the bad points, but I don’t want to give too negative a review, so I’ll focus on the good ones.

First and foremost, the girls, as I said, are real, and they’re even better looking than their pictures. Though the girls tried to cut their time with me, when they did spend time with me, it was fantastic. In fact, I had a night with two Brazilians, and they gave me quite a party – dancing on the bed, jumping up and down, and giving full service. I have never experienced anything like it. (Caramba!)

I also spent time with the Russians, and, again, though they were frugal with their time, they were my girlfriends for the times in question.

Last, but perhaps not least, the food was excellent, easily comparable to the best I have eaten anywhere. The chef, Miguel, was forever eager to please, and I would recommend him if he ever opened his restaurant. The staff was also polite, and there was always an abundance of refreshments.

With all this in mind, I have to compare this with my previous adventures at Xotic Beach House, run by the owners of Miami Companions.

First of all, at Xotic, which used to be in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, the rooms were far larger and had no pests. Perhaps this is due to the dry desert, but the point is, the resort with no insects is better than the one which had insects.

The girls were comparable, in looks and attitude, and the food was also comparable. The problem with Xotic, however, was that it didn’t come across as a smooth operation, while Vikings was incredibly smooth – everything ran like clockwork, from the time I got off the plane to the time I went to the terminal.

So, to anyone who is thinking of going, I would say, go – you’ll never know until you experience it. But, would I go back? Well, I don’t know. I’ll wait until the pest control program is in place, then I’ll decide.

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